Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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