Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Randomize
