I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It was a blind-side dick pic.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
