YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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