I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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