well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Let's get the cat blown out
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
