I wish they made helmets for livers.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Drake has all the answers
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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