Only a mothe r could love this liver
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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