i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
