we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
