i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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