Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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