and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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