Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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