I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
