There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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