remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
