Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
