i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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