I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
