i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
