I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
