so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
