May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
