She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
