True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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