I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
