I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
