hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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