This girl is more easily done than said...
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
