I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
she smelled like a LAN party
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
