I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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