Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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