I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
