Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
