Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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