Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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