So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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