Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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