Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
