somebody snuck up and got me drunk
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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