I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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