I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
