Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
