Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
