The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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