just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
