Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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