whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
