stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
