haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
i believe in u and ur pee
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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