Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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