He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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