Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
