He disabled his match.com account in front of me
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
