Are we in a gay sports bar?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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