What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
