I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
