I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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