i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
