I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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