why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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