wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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