Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
