I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
