umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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