i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
