I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
