dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You took a bar mat shot.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
