There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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