No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
did i walk over a car last night?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
