dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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