I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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