Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
