Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
