what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
