I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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