Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
