im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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