you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
