i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
