I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
