ugly people sure do ruin things
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
