Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
